Day 22: A picture of something that confuses you

It was too difficult to pick one thing - I get very easily confused with all manner of things. I will give you some prime examples:

Accents: I have a major issue understanding accents and I don't necessarily mean foreign accents - I mean anything not from the central belt! I find it hard to guess where people are from and even harder to understand them at times. My best faux pas was saying to a doctor once "well that would be a bit Irish" in reference to something I can't remember and when she left the room, Andrew saying 'You do realise she is Irish?!"

Sports: Football and Rugby are the worst. In football they seem to just kick the ball down the field, the crowd crescendos, the commentator sounds like they are about to have a heart attack and then the player kicks the ball out or falls over. Total anti climax. In rugby they appear to just gather in wee groups and grab at each others shorts inappropriately. I find it disturbing.

Sensory Overload: I get easily confused if in a really busy shop, where it's noisy and there are lots of bright lights and people e.g department store. I just get all disorientated and confused about what direction I am going and what I want to look at. I think it's like a small child in a sweety shop - the choices are overwhelming

Films: I really annoy Andrew because I get easily confused by film plots, especially if there are a lot of characters - and more so if the characters look similar or have accents! He has to pause the DVD to explain what is happening on a regular basis.

Day 21: A picture of something that makes you happy

Sitting in my wee house, looking at my wee dog, looking at his big garden...on a sunny day. This makes me happy!

Day 20: A picture of somewhere you would like to travel

I would love to go on an African Safari. Largely to see the animals! It is probably obvious from my various paintings that I am generally an animal lover and it would be wonderful to see some of the these amazing creatures in their natural habitat. I am not sure if I will be able to fulfil this due to vaccinations required - some of these not allowed post transplant. Never say never though!

Day 19: A picture of something that inspires you

My donor and her family...and a...ll those who have been in this position. There is a lot of debate about opt in and opt out donor systems. This is not the place for such a debate, but what I can say is that I see organ donation as a gift, a choice, an act of selflessness. People should be thanked for that gift, not just 'expected to'. Not only has the donor made that inspirational decision to save someone's life but their family,who are the ones who have to actually live through the process, are a true inspiration. It must be incredibly difficult in those hours of despair and grief to make this decision - a decision to benefit a complete stranger. This act saved my life, and so many of my friends lives. It is not the recipient that is inspirational (we have little choice) but those who make a choice they don't have to, for the good of someone else.

Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity

One of my biggest insecurities is the fear of being disliked - which leads to my inability to say no! In fact this is the reason I didn't post this yesterday because I was so shattered from work and got home late - because I am not good at saying 'no, I really can't fit that in'. I always worry people will think I am being unhelpful, or difficult or not hard working or just not nice. It is high standards I set for myself. If patients phone and ask me to call them, I feel obliged to asap because I know what it's like to be the patient. If I am asked to squeeze one more person in because they really need seen, then I do, because I hate the idea of just leaving them. But for my own sanity I need to learn to be more assertive and not worry so much about what other people think. If people really know me, they will realise if I say no, then I have a very good reason for doing so :-)

p.s bidding on painting now at £90 :-)

Day 17: Picture of your favourite song

This is a hard one because I think most people have favourite songs for different occasions or related to specific memories. "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak is one song that I really love, which is not related to anything. I just really love it! I wasn't even aware of the song until it was used in the Jaguar advert in 2001 and it really caught my attention to the point I went and bought a Chris Isaak album soon after! I find it a very haunting song and think the music is beautiful. The lyrics are largely beside the point for me - its the way it is sung and the music itself that I really love.




p.s  Bidding at £70 for painting.   Click on photo at top right for more info.

Day 16: A picture of you and someone you do weird things with

This is me and my cousin (aka surrogate sister) Sarah. She is possibly about as weird as me....in the nicest possible way. I was going to add Corey into this post as well, but luckily I couldn't find a picture of the three of us. He is even weirder than me and Sarah put together ;-)

Sarah was my bridesmaid, along with Fran, who was her best bud. She is the only one that really understands that weird humour we all shared. It is unfortunate she is so pretty because it makes me a bit plain in comparison, but I will let her off because I love her lots anyway :-)

Auction for the Butterfly Trust

I mentioned on my blog that I was planning to create a painting to auction in aid of the Butterfly Trust.  I have spent all week creating this special painting, with the trust in mind.  Their aim is to support people with Cystic Fibrosis in Scotland, and the butterfly logo represents people with CF being helped to open their wings and fly - therefore I have used the butterfly image in this painting to reflect that ethos. 

Please click this link for photographs of the painting and further details of bidding.  The painting is 4ft x 4ft (big!)  - I have added a photo above my sofa to give an idea of scale.

BUTTERFLY KISSES PAINTING

If you are interested, email me at weejac.art@gmail.com with your bid.  I will inform you if you are currently the highest bidder.  I will place the highest bid for that day on my blog and also at the link above, but will keep this anonymous.   I will take bidding for 3 weeks from today - so bids close on Sunday 13th March at 12 noon.  Payment can be paid direct to the charity - I am donating the costs of canvas and materials.

Hopefully this will make a little bit of money for this great charity!

Day 15:  A picture of me and my family

This was taken in Florida last year - first big family holiday after my transplant. Left to right, my dad, John, me, mum, Anne and Andrew. Andrew's brother Ross isn't in this picture (Disney isn't really his thing!) but obviously he is part of my family too.

Anne and John have very quickly become part of my family - and in fact, they even go on holidays with my parents without me and Andrew - what's that all about?! It's great that we all get on so well, it means I have double the support, double the love and double the hugs. Can't ask for more than that :-)

Day 14: A picture of something that makes you happy

When I was waiting on transplant one of the things I looked forward to most was being able to take Seb on nice long walks! One of the things that makes me feel happy is taking Seb to country park and I especially love those summer mornings where there is a slight haze in the air, heralding a beautiful day ahead. Taking Seb to the country park in the early morning on days like this, when the air is very still and quiet, I love walking along woodland paths where it is soft underfoot with fallen pine needles and bark and the sun is just filtering through the trees. I love when there is hardly anyone else around, except maybe a few early morning joggers or fellow dog walkers. I love allowing Seb off lead for him to run around, exploring and sniffing and when I stop on a bench or under a tree I love that Seb likes to come and sit beside me and just sit, quietly. I love the fact that my transplant has allowed me to do this again. Such simple pleasures make me happy :-)

Day 13:  A Picture of something you hate

I was thinking about this today - what do I hate? I don't really have any irrational hatred of particular objects (or people!)

I was then visiting my friend Gillian this afternoon for coffee and realised one thing I do really hate is the feeling of never having enough time to spend with friends. It's funny how no matter how long you spend chatting, it never seems quite long enough and there is always another potential topic to discuss which seems vitally important at the time. I seem to find this happens a lot when I meet friends, although may be something to do with the amount I talk ;-) My friend Lucie is a good example - we are always complaining about running out of time, even if I have been there half the day!

I'm also really weird about 'wasting time'. I get really annoyed at myself if I think I have wasted time by lying in bed too long or sitting about doing nothing. Unfortunately this means I am not great at relaxing! I think it partly comes from being so ill in the past - I now have this constant sense of wanting to cram things in and make the most of every second while I have the chance. I should probably re-evaluate what I consider to be wasting time - I suspect other people might refer to this as chilling out :-)

Day 12: A picture of something I love

Seb! He is a wee cutey, rather cheeky and I love him very much! Seb came along late 2004 - it was Frances Ann who had been emailing me pictures of Tibetan Spaniel puppies and trying to convince me to get one, so she could come and baby sit it. I didn't need much persuasion. Unfortunately Frances Ann didn't get to meet Seb but I think he helped us all during a difficult time and he was just what I needed.

I wasn't in great shape when he came along but it did encourage me to get out and do a little exercise, even when I felt really unwell. Laterally mum had to do the walking during the day but I still had him for fluffy hugs and spent ages teaching him tricks when I was off sick. He can do lots of cool things :-)

It's amazing how much a dog can become part of the family. Even my mum calls him 'my wee boy'. What's not to love about Seb?!

Day 10: A picture of you when you were little

This is me and my sister Claire - she is the tidy one on the left and I am the small scruff on the right. If in any doubt, the panda under the arm should give it away! That panda (called Panda by the way) appears in a lot of photos when I was young. Sitting on a deck chair in Italy, sitting on a swing in the park but mostly under the arm like a handbag.

You can also see that Claire was really neat and tidy - well behaved, standing nice for the photo. There's me with the cardigan hanging off, the fringe half out and one hand on the hip.

Most of the photos of me very young are with Claire - I think I am about 3 or 4 here, and Claire would be 5 or just turned 6. Mum may correct me! I don't think you would guess how ill Claire was as she was always smiling in every photo :-) I like this photo in particular but have quite a few really nice ones. Happy little girls!

Day 11: Picture of your celebrity crush

I found this one really hard! I don't really have a celebrity crush - I'm not really into celebs. I never had any posters of singers/actors on my wall when a teenager. I think I had a couple of those 'no fear' posters and a giant panther. I was a bit of a freak really..

Anyway, I have selected a picture of someone nice for you to look at! This is Josh Holloway from Lost. I watched the entire series of Lost and was losing the will to live towards the end as it just went on and on and on. Josh, who played Sawyer - bad guy turned good - helped to break the monotony though!

My two favourite boys today (not including seb!)....


Day 8 - A picture of someone who makes you laugh

From yesterday's story you realise my mum probably contributed to the headstrong and determined nature - well my dad is responsible for the mischievous me!

My dad has a habit of being really amused by his own jokes and funny stories - he then starts laughing and then doing this kind of mutley laugh which is very infectious. Then mum starts laughing until we are all rolling around in tears and no one can remember what was so funny to start with.

As I said my mum visited my in hospital every day - so did my dad of course - he would come straight from his work to do the evening shift. However he somehow found himself incapable of just sitting there - he was always playing with medical things, pushing buttons he shouldn't be pushing and generally being mischievous. I think its the Irish in him.

He inadvertently amuses me, through his little quirks. The way he screws up his face as if in terrible pain, when simply hammering a nail in. The fact he never measures or marks the wall to hang a picture - he puts his finger on the spot, takes it away then just hammers roughly in that area. The fact he takes on accents of wherever we are on holiday - within 24 hrs he will be speaking with an Irish or American accent. But when he tries to 'do an accent' it always sounds chinese. The fact he is rather accident prone - the incident of floating on a lilo out to sea and straight into a pier is one of my favourites. The way he never reads instructions on how to build something so invariably has 3 screws left over and some random pieces but remains unconcerned. His favourite phrase when he wants to spend money "there's no pockets in shrouds!" Most of all, he laughs at my jokes. No one else does.

My dad is my hero!

Day 9 - A picture of someone who has gotten you through the most.
 

When Andrew first met me 11 years ago I was (relatively) well and in my 2nd year of medical school. Little did we know what the next 10 years would hold and the ups and downs to be faced.

I remember only a couple of months into the relationship I had a chest infection and needed to go to hospital. I was waiting on mum to collect me but in the meantime andrew packed a bag for me and when mum came in he was tying my shoe laces. She told me he was a keeper then :-)

My personal challenges have been more so in the last 6 years and Andrew has been there every step of the way. Supporting me through the loss of Fran and then through my own health decline in the years to follow. He had to cope with sudden outbursts of emotion and moments of fear and doubt about my future. Carrying me up the stairs when I was too breathless, taking my shoes off and putting my slippers on because bending over is really hard when you can't breathe, and even having a go at blow drying my hair. Never again!

He visited me every day whenever I was in hospital, only leaving when the nurses put the lights out! He kept strong for me throughout my transplant and even puts up with the permanently increased level of chattering afterwards.

Andrew has definitely got me through some of the hardest times in my life - hopefully I helped him get through it too. Rather apt that this photo falls on Valentines Day - here's to our future together!

DAY 5: A picture of somewhere you have been:

This is a view from the Empire State building in New York. We were actually trying to get up for sunset but the queue was so long it was dark by the time we got to the top!

I have chosen this picture because I got engaged in New York on this holiday. In Central Park, 10th October 2003 - doesn't seem that long ago! Of course I said yes, and it was the best decision I ever made :-)

Hopefully we will get a chance to go back sometime!

Day 6: Picture of your favourite artist:

I don't really have a favourite band/artist - in fact I have rather eclectic tastes! I do however have certain music I like at certain times, and particular songs of significance. I chose Dolly Parton for this photo because it reminds me of my transplant and the start of this amazing journey. I had her song '9 to 5' as my ring tone at the time I was called for transplant - so whenever I hear that song I think of the day I got that amazing call!! It is quite handy that it is a song I also love, especially to dance too. I like to play Dolly on the way to work sometimes, just to get me 'going' before I start the day :-) My other favourite driving music is Alabama 3 but this makes me drive very fast so I tend to avoid it now ;-)

The most exciting news is that I actually managed to book 2 tickets for Dolly's show in Glasgow - one night only!! It's on my wedding anniversary - I am very excited but Andrew isn't so sure.

Day 7: A picture of someone that has had the biggest impact on your life

My mum thinks she deserves to be written about in at least 5 categories in this challenge. She told me this - I told her she would be getting one and that is plenty!

My mum has definitely had the biggest impact on my life - after all she has made me the person I am. I thought about my transplant as something that had the biggest impact, but to be honest, I wouldn't even have got that far without my mum.

My mum taught me that CF was just something I lived with - not something that defined me. She always encouraged me to take part in everything in life - from horse riding, dancing, music lessons. She encouraged me at school without pressuring me, but also making sure I did not use CF as an excuse to take a day off when I couldn't be bothered! She delighted in every achievement, no matter how small or big. She listened every day to my detailed accounts of what happened at school and never complained. Frances Ann's accounts were along the lines of "had some subjects, not much happened, not got homework". My stories started "well the bell rang and I then went to registration class and..."

Mum sat beside me all day, every day, during the countless hospital admissions from childhood into adulthood, but she taught me to not wallow and feel sorry for myself. She comforted me when the tears would fall but dried them up and pulled me back up. She helped me understand it's not what you can't do...it's what you can.

She is convinced she more or less sat a medical degree along with me (and is frequently found to be dishing out medical advice!) but to be fair, I probably wouldn't have made it through the course without her behind me. Little cards, daily phone calls, coming and rescuing me when I really just needed to come home.

In the lead up to transplant, she had to come and look after me every single day. Trying to keep me positive and strong, when I am sure she was terrified the call would never come. Busying herself with the practical tasks around the house but always vigilant for impending emotional crisis - usually to be resolved by taking me shopping :-)

My mum would be described by others as very selfless, always doing things for other people, always trying to turn negatives into positives and being one of the best listeners I have known (although pretty good at talking too!) She has shaped the person I am and taught me important values in life which so far have served me well and will continue to do so.

My mum is my best friend.

Photo Challenge

I need to post a few a day to catch up with facebook.  So here are Days 2, 3 and 4!

Day 2:  A picture of you and someone you have been closest to for the longest:

Claire has been my best bud since the start of secondary school. She has been there through all the fun times in our teens, and supported me through the hard times waiting on transplant and then celebrated the new chance I have been given. She makes me laugh all the time - with her stories and tendency to embellish them for comedy effect ;-) We can still talk for hours on the phone and I always feel better for it. Claire is getting married this year, so G, if you are reading - you better look after her well :-) Love ya Claire! x

Day 3: Picture of you with someone you miss

I love this photo of me and Frances Ann - taken at my graduation party in 2002, when Fran was 17. In many ways we were very different - I was quieter (yes, really!), very tidy, bit of a geek. Fran was a chatterbox, had a mind of her own and was always up to something! Yet, in many respects we were like two peas in a pod - the only person I could really second guess and who I shared my very odd and rather twisted sense of humour with. I miss her every day and it feels like a little part of me is missing too. I do have so many memories to treasure and am just grateful for the 19 years we had together. She was younger than me but in many ways wiser and she taught me a lot about how to live life - each day at time, never too seriously and with a good sprinkling of utter nonsense and hysterical laughter. Oh and try and wind mum and dad up on a regular basis for my own amusement :) An example of her daftness was on holiday at a posh hotel, where we were sharing a room, she insisted that once dressed for dinner we put on the shower caps and go to meet mum and dad and "just act casual". Love you wee sis!! xx

Day 4: Photo of a habit I wish I didn't have

Drinking excess amounts of real coffee with even more excessive amounts of sugar! I have never liked Tea despite mum and dads attempts to convert me as a child. I started drinking coffee at primary school age (clearly thought I was very grown up). It was instant back in those days. What was I thinking?! The real addiction to cappuccino made with espresso started when I was ill and mum came to look after me every day. It was our little treat and making the coffee was about the only useful thing I could do to help. I have since however been unable to drink instant again. Unfortunately I am also unable to cut down my sugar - 3 for an average cup - the double shot I buy at work needs about 5 or 6. The man in the coffee shop knows what I take and how much sugar to put in without me asking - this is a bad sign! I toyed with the idea of giving up coffee (and thus the sugar) but quickly came to my senses, admitted my bad habit to the diabetic team and was told as long as I took insulin with it, then all was well :-)

My Week and The 30 day Photo Challenge

Well the benefits of Stobo were pretty much undone by the time I finished work on Monday haha - but nice while it lasted.   Had quite a nice clinic on Monday morning though, where I was really pleased to have picked up a physical problem in a patient that explained symptoms they have had for a long time, and will hopefully make a difference to them  - they were happy, which made me happy.  Tuesday I took a trip out to meet my peer group - this involves being allocated to a group of three staff grade doctors, and we have to meet a few times a year.  The idea is we look at what each of us are doing, what teaching and further eduction events we attend and what we need to do to improve.  We then set goals and meet up again to review these.  Useful to see what other people are doing, and I think I actually do quite a lot outwith my routine work, so felt quite pleased.  Reassuring for everyone else that doctors do undergo continual appraisal and revalidation.

I had my dance class this week and bought some dance trainers to wear.  They were much more comfortable and it was easier on my joints - but unfortunately it didn't do much to improve my dancing ;-)  My main issue is remembering the sequence - I get it when she shows us slowly but then speeding up for the music sees me flailing my arms wildly and getting my feet all tied up.  Not the best look.

You may remember me talking about my friend Fi, who sadly died 4 months ago.  I had her sister and mum over for a coffee and chat today, which was lovely.  So nice to talk about Fi and the good memories, as I don't really know her other friends from her work and home town.  We had a lovely afternoon and it was great to catch up.   I had been tidying and cleaning for them visiting and I could just imagine Fi watching and laughing at me!

I am thinking about my next art project.  I still have another giant canvas (4ft square) and was thinking about doing something to sell for the Butterfly Trust.    This is a great wee charity, that mum does a lot of work for, and I am trying to think of different ways to help.  It is hard to have fundraisers all the time, because you are asking the same people all the time.  Team Glasgow will definately do something for them this year, but I thought this might be a nice wee thing I could do.   Watch this space.

The other thing I have been doing this week is a 30 day photo challenge on facebook.  You have a list of 30 categories and each day you post a photo with a related story to the category.  I guess it's a way of people getting to know a little more about you and I have been enjoying thinking up something for each one.  I think I might add them to my blog every day as well  - will need to post some extra to catch up as on day 7 on face book!

Day 1: Photo of you with 15 facts about yourself

1. Used to be terrified of dogs
2. Was given the chance to go to a Kyle concert (and go backstage) when in hospital about age 8 and turned it down because "I'm not really that into Kyle to be honest"
3. Got the nurses in Sick Kids to bandage a cannula (not inserted) onto her arm so she could pretend to rip it out and see how her mum reacted..
4. Favourite sweetie is a Lion Bar
5. Had an annual membership for Lazer Quest in Edinburgh and went with friends every saturday in her teens
6. Has her bronze and silver Duke of Edinburgh award
7. Played the piano for years and used to be quite good many moons ago
8. Put up her own shelves (with rawl plugs and everything) age 13 to impress her dad
9. Had a 'trundle pusher' pram (originally claire's) which she used to carry bricks around for dad, instead of pushing a doll.
10. Stayed with her CF paediatric consultant, and his family, for a week and shadowed him at work, as part of uni application. He started me on antibiotics half way through the week haha
11. Has always hated Tea
12. Was involved in making up Vampire plays with her friend Sacha Kyle (who is now a director) and other friends, and we then performed to the class at primary school
13. Always wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember
14. Is old enough to remembering the drink Hooch being cool
15. LOVES dancing on a night out... and in general around the house

Pandas and Pampering

I am just back today from 2 nights at Stobo Castle with mum :-) We arrived on Thursday evening after I finished work and picked up mum - that night was just for relaxing and then we had a lovely dinner. On Friday we had a facial in the morning, then relaxed and had lunch, before a foot massage and then using the spa facilities. Then it was time for more food! This morning we had a back massage and then headed home after lunch. You basically float about in your dressing gown all day - for breakfast and lunch, although you have to get dressed for dinner. At dinner you share tables with other guests, which I don't mind if I am in the mood for chatting but sometimes it is quite tiring making small talk with random different people at each meal. Mum of course insists on striking up conversations, even if someone so much as glances in her direction! I did use the opportunity on both evenings to do some organ donation work, making sure everyone at the table was signed up to the register and answering questions haha! How we managed to end up talking about this two nights in a row with two different groups of people I don't know, but at least I was doing some advocate work while being pampered!

Seb went to stay with dad because Andrew was working extra hours. Seb was being quite huffy when he saw my bag packed but was quite happy to be left with dad for his pampering weekend - which involves lying on top of dad snoozing in the chair and then dad taking him to the men's group with him on Friday night. I guess Seb is male but not sure in what other way he qualifies for attending such a group :-)

I finished the Giant Panda from last week and am rather pleased with the final result! It is rather massive but it is a big wall, so I think it works well. A slightly random subject matter but I am not really known for being mainstream.

Panda with little panda for scale....(the letters are Chinese for Panda Bear, although I will probably discover it actually says chicken noodles or similar)

Lastly I have to leave with some sad news that another CF friend lost his life waiting on transplant.  David was a friend of Team Glasgow and was to become the 4th member after his transplant.  He had been waiting since last year but the call did not come in time and he sadly lost his fight last week. Kirsty and Victoria were able to represent us at the funeral and organise some beautiful flowers from ourselves and some other CF friends.  Another reminder of how many people don't get the chance I got, and another reason to keep spreading the word.  Keeping his family in my thoughts. x