Up The Farway Tree

Holidays (and related incidents)

The gap in blogging was due to me being away for a few days holiday this week, and being busy with work and birthday celebrations last week. Jayne suggested I may just have been taking time off to 'diva about a bit'. I was going to strongly deny this accusation, but it would be a lie. My birthday was spent choosing an outfit for the award ceremony, and the last few days I must admit were largely spent dragging Andrew into every shoe shop we came across to find matching shoes. I now have the outfit, shoes and accessories, so am ready and waiting. All I need to do now is get through this short film malarkey first, which I've heard will be on the 4th May. They will film a short interview and then some cut away shots of me doing something. They confirmed the category I am short listed for is Academia, but I don't think it would be feasible for them to film me at work so the film will have to feature a hobby instead - possibly pretending to paint or the likes.

Anyway, enough talk about the awards. I will tell you about my holiday instead - even more exciting eh? I have had a lovely few days, and it was nice to just get away from everything for while. I was going to say I am nicely rejuvenated, but in reality I am in fact exhausted. Exhausted in a good way though, as I have surprised myself by managing to do quite a bit of sight seeing and a reasonable amount of walking. It was largely at a snails pace, and often with Andrew pushing me from behind, but I did succeed in getting from A to B on my own steam, so I'm sure my physio will give me a shiny gold star when I see her next week.

I won’t bore you with details of my sightseeing and shopping expeditions, but I will just relay a few of the more amusing incidents that always seem to happen when you are away on holiday. Or does that just happen to me?

Check-in
Arrived in our room to discover an ashtray and smell of smoke. Andrew phones reception:

Andrew: Hello, we just checked in and you have allocated us a smoking room. We requested a non smoking room.
Receptionist: No, dis is a no smoking room (European accent)
Andrew: Well there is an ashtray in the room and it smells of smoke
Receptionist: Yees, but it is in new building so is not really a smoking room.
*pause while Andrew tries to understand this statement*
Andrew: Well, as I said there is an ashtray and it smells of smoke, so I would consider that a smoking room.
Receptionist: Yees, but it does not smell strongly of smoke because it is in new building
Andrew: It does if you are a non smoker. Do you not have any non smoking rooms then?
Receptionist: Oh yees, shall I move you?

Swimming pool
Unable to swim these days, I leave Andrew in the pool and go and sit in Jacuzzi. I assume its on timer and sit waiting for the bubbles to start up. I sit waiting for some time before Andrew finally leaves the pool to inform me I need to press the button to start it up. I press button and realise I am too small for the Jacuzzi and the bubbles come over my head. I solve this problem by sitting on the step and dangling my legs in instead - I am sure no one thought this odd behaviour. I leave the Jacuzzi and enter changing rooms. I attempt to tear off one of those plastic bags to put your wet swimming costume in. I am holding towel with one hand, and cannot tear the bag, so give it a good sideways pull with my other hand. The whole roll of bags flies out the holder and unravels across the changing room floor until it is finally stopped by the lockers. I stare at the trail of plastic bags vacantly for a few seconds before hurriedly scooping the roll up and winding the bags round in a haphazard manner before stuffing it back in the holder. A trail of bags is now hanging sideways out the dispenser and most of them are wet from being on the floor. I rip off a few to try and make it look better before hastily leaving the changing rooms before any one sees me.

The Restaurant
I order trout from the dinner menu. Walter (named by us because he looks like Walter from "Ugly Betty") comes over with 2 plates and offers me a chop. I politely tell him I ordered fish. He does a lap of the restaurant, checking the board on his way past, before approaching the table again, laying down the plates and running off without saying anything. I called him back to tell him for the second time that I did not order a chop. The other waitress comes over to apologise - apparently with my Scottish accent, trout sounds just like chop. I must work on my diction.

Satellite Navigation
We drive into York and manage to park right in the centre using sat nav instructions and my disabled badge. We are very pleased with ourselves, and later decide to use it again to navigate to another area of York, as I was too tired to walk. Clearly understanding how tired I was it kindly directed us into the pedestrianised precinct, where we had to drive about helplessly in a square trying to get back out. It was one of those situations where you would like to be swallowed up, but instead have to spend ten minutes looking like total eejits* and trying to pretend you intended to take this route all along.


Well after that rambling blog, I’m off to recover from my holiday and to possibly to just ‘diva around’ for a bit. I might also spend some time learning to walk in the shoes I have bought for the awards. Any further pause in blogging may be due to a broken ankle.


*eejits - for non scottish readers, this means 'idiot'