Up The Farway Tree

The Final Interlude

Early days...

Those first few days in HDU saw me at my most anxious. Despite having generally pleased the doctors with my progress I remained fearful that something was going to go wrong and the worrying thoughts swirled in my head endlessly. I was generally calm when I had company during the day but in the evenings when everyone went to get dinner, I would start to feel quite panicky and anxious. I managed to distract myself with my music or the TV, but I found it so hard to believe that the transplant had worked and that all would be well. The fear of infection or rejection loomed in those early days and dominated my thoughts. This would bizarrely be punctuated by moments of euphoria, when I would allow myself to believe that all would be ok, to appreciate that I had received a life saving transplant and to imagine what my life could now become.

At first in HDU I was attached to so many monitors, drains, catheters etc, that it was near impossible to move from the bed. The physio would come in daily and with the help of the nurse manoeuvre me into the chair for a while. I would sit there just willing the time to pass until I could get back into bed. I knew however that mobilising early was vital to my recovery, so I dutifully obliged and tried not to look too huffy.

The pain was also a difficult issue for me in those first few days, as on arrival in HDU they realised my epidural was leaking so it had to be removed. This would normally have been left in for another few days, so we had to find alternative pain relief and it was a case of trial and error. I did have one very difficult night when they couldn't get the anaesthetist to come because they were doing two transplants that night, so I couldn't get my pain relief reviewed until the morning, by which time I broke down in tears when the consultant came round. It was a little embarrassing, especially since he is not really the touchy feely type but it did the trick and the pain team arrived moments later. They were excellent and kept me under close review for the rest of the day until we had the pain well under control.

I also worried a lot about my oxygen levels in the first week, as they were reading similar to pre-transplant and I felt I had not moved forwards at all. I couldn't see the monitor, as it was behind me, but I repeatedly asked what my oxygen saturations were. I was like a dog with a bone. As time passed though they gradually improved and I started to feel that I was finally making progress and the lungs were beginning to do their work.

As the end of the first week approached I became gradually more tube free and at least able to move from the bed, albeit with difficulty. The turning point for me was the removal of my chest drains, which were responsible for a lot of the pain and discomfort. Being tube free also allowed me to get out of the hospital gown and into my own pyjamas; so simple, yet mentally a huge step forwards.

It was towards the end of that first week that I started to update my blog, so the rest of my journey, is, as they say, history...