Up The Farway Tree

It’s A Wonderful Life

I went to see this at the cinema the other night – they were giving out free mince pies and mulled wine, so very festive indeed. I have seen this film a couple of times before and although it is an emotional film I am generally not someone who cries at movies...so....I didn’t. This time however I really got myself quite upset. I cried at the sad bits, I cried at the happy bits and I cried when I got home. I don’t think it’s really much to do with the film and more about the emotion that this time of year can bring to the surface, where something as simple as a good movie can set you off on a whole train of thoughts and feelings.

This past week I have spent a lot of time looking back over the last couple of years, thinking how difficult Christmas was and wondering just how different this year will be. I think especially of last year, where for the first time I began to wonder, with fear and sadness, if I would get my transplant in time to see another Christmas.

I have been thinking about my donor, and her family, and the fact that this will be a difficult and emotional Christmas for them and that my happiness could only come from their loss. I have been thinking about people I know who are still waiting on transplant and face the same questions that I wondered last year....will this be ‘my’ year?

I also spend a lot of time thinking about Frances Ann at this time of year. Mostly because Christmas is a family time, a time of fun and laughter and we all miss her so so much. Frances Ann loved Christmas (almost!) as much as I do and we both got high as kites on Christmas eve, making everyone watch “The Muppet Christmas Carol” before bed, and then refusing to go to sleep. In the morning I would open my stocking (which mum has to leave outside my door to pacify me in the early hours) and then I would go and waken Frances Ann and climb into her bed until she opened her stocking. We would then both wake mum and dad to see if Santa had been. I am not talking about when we were children here....I am talking about right up until her last Christmas when she was 19 and I was 24. Some people just never grow up you see. We then took turns at opening our presents from mum and dad so that we could each see what the other was opening and then we exchanged our own gifts. In fact ‘The Muppet Christmas Carol’ was a video Frances bought me when she was about 8, with her own pocket money. I always bought the joint presents at Christmas and Frances Ann always owed me large sums of money, knowing full well that on Christmas day I would be so excited and full of the festive spirit that I would always write off any debt. She was a fly one I tell you ;-) I so miss having her there on Christmas day (as I do every day) but I am also glad for the 19 years that we did share and the traditions we built as a family. Christmas can never be quite the same but it can still be beautiful, magical and my favourite day of the year. It’s still about family – my family have seen me through some very difficult times and given me strength when I needed it most...... and it is now time for them to share in the joyful times and know that sometimes, just sometimes, it really can be “A Wonderful Life”.