Up The Farway Tree

Feeling a bit sorry for myself..

I've not been feeling too great this week - mostly sinus related I think. The pain has been getting worse and worse all week - I thought it was quite bad at work on Monday but by Wednesday it was the sorest it's been for ages :-( I exhausted all my painkiller options, stuck some cool gel pad things to my face and in desperate attempt starting raking my cupboards for some dihydrocodeine. Always a bad sign. I went to bed really early last night to see if that would help but still felt ropey this morning so gave the CF team a call to see if they thought some antibiotics might help. The consultant called me back and we agreed on Ciproxin (which I had earlier this year) as we do still need to cover the psuedomonas bug that I no doubt still grow in my sinuses. The down side is that it makes me feel sick and last time made my joints worse - but he has given me some anti sickness tablets to take with them so hopefully that will help. I am generally feeling quite off colour, have lost my appetite and feeling quite sorry for myself but at least I have done something about it so fingers crossed I will pick up asap.

It was weird feeling not well today and I didn't go into teaching because of it - so although I was up quite early I was just sitting about all morning which takes me right back to how I used to feel. It all comes flooding back and I hate it! After 30mins of morning TV I had to switch it off - it made me feel horrible inside as if in one fell swoop I had lost everything I have gained in the past year. Totally overdramatic I know - but memories can be very powerful and it also makes me realise how fragile we all are (even me). I ended up getting into bed for a couple of hours and reading my book - something I didn't do pre transplant no matter how bad I felt. I had this odd notion pre transplant that if I started doing things like taking to my bed during the day then I had already lost the fight. I was a stubborn wee thing. But today I decided I deserved a lie down and Seb came with me ;-) This is very naughty as he is not even supposed to be in the bedroom but he is so cute and fluffy and like a hot water bottle! My mum will go mad when she reads this ...

I am actually going to a wedding this weekend so hoping that after another early night I will feel a bit more like myself. It is Kenny and Jenny's wedding - Kenny having lived in the flat at uni. They both live in London now but the wedding is in Alloway so a bit closer to home for me. My mums friend has kindly loaned me her holiday home for the weekend so we are heading there tomorrow with some friends. The wedding is on Saturday and it is forecast to be very sunny so fingers crossed that it's a lovely day for them.

I think I am about done with the moaning now so will report back when I have something cheery to say :-)