Up The Farway Tree

Emily

Yesterday I lost one of my dearest friends - Emily Thackray.  The first contact I ever had with Emily was shortly after Frances Ann died in 2004, when Emily sent me an email introducing herself, telling me how sorry she was about Fran and offering her support.   I remember it so vividly.  From that first reaching out, there grew a friendship that has spanned us both waiting on and receiving a transplant, and supporting each other throughout the ups and downs life brings.

Emily had her transplant in 2007 after she became critically ill while waiting on the list - almost too ill to get her call.  At the 11th hour that call came - but she still had so many battles to face in the post surgery recovery and her journey was far from smooth.  However Emily was a fighter and she came through it smiling and determined.  I was placed on the transplant list in May 2006 so our journeys crossed over and her new post transplant life gave me hope for the future.  She continued to support me on a daily basis while I waited - spending hours on msn chatting about everything and anything - putting the world to rights and starting our 'mutual appreciation club' where we waxed lyrical about how amazing we both were (tongue in cheek of course) and discussed how we should effectively be running the world.  We mused about life in general, about our ups and downs and supported each other with honesty and humour during the darkest times.   We coined the email and letter sign off "higs" instead of "hugs" due to a typing error and this stuck for the next 10 years.  As did the habit of randomly sending each other the 'dancing hamster' emoticon.  She sent me a stuffed hamster one year and recently I sent her an animation of an entire page of dancing hamsters.  Classy girls we were ;-)

I wasn't able to meet Emily in person until we had both had our transplants, due to cross infection rules.   Most of you will remember my Team Jac walk the year after my transplant in aid of Live Life Give Life, and many will remember meeting Emily there.   Emily was the co founder of Live Life Give Life, along with Emma Harris, who also has CF.   Emily got me involved in the charity and I roped her into doing that 12 mile walk - something she thought she could never do!!   However she did and I remember her being so pleased and little Seb being really worried about her struggling during the walk - he kept by her side during the walk and followed her around the house afterwards to make sure she was ok.

In the following years we joined forces to  write our two booklets - 'CF and relationships' and CF and body image'.   We spent so much time writing and discussing those booklets and being rather pleased with ourselves.  Emily was well known for her work in CF and transplant circles.  She was a relentless fundraiser, an ambassador for the CF trust and won a Just Giving award for her fundraising efforts.  It was always for other people and never about her.

In more recent years myself and Andrew went to stay with Emily - although on my first visit she managed to end up back in hospital during the night and we had to just let ourselves out the next morning - that was the drama that was Emily!!     I also went down most recently for the weekend in September this year and so glad that I did - it does make me realise you should never put off things for another time.  Just do it today.  We had an amazing time, just the two of us, putting the world to rights.  We spent time with her beautiful 19 month old girl Sophia, and then spent the rest of the weekend in the bed couch in the living room - under the duvet, watching chick flicks, chatting and being rather silly.  Those happy memories will be with me forever.

Emily had a few health problems over the years and just before Sophia was born she had to undergo radiotherapy for chronic rejection.  She had however stabilised and was so happy and healthy when I saw her in September.  Little did we know that a pneumonia was going to strike in October and leave her with very little reserve.  She battled hard and was discharged home for a short time - on oxygen, but rehabilitating and getting herself back on track.  She was excited about Christmas and delighted that her little girl was showing the same interest in glittery fairy lights as she did. (I remember when she got her first transplant call she told me she had packed a poncho and some fairy lights -but no pants!)  However in November she felt things were slipping and she was rushed into hospital on 30th November with respiratory failure.   Things progressed rapidly, she was put on ECMO and listed for a 2nd transplant.  She did receive that 2nd gift, but unfortunately there were too many complications and her wee body couldn't take any more - although she gave it a good try and even managed to turn a corner on Christmas Eve - something I truly believe she did for her family.  She slipped away peacefully surrounded by her family on the 28th December.

I know in speaking to Emily that she felt she had "had a good run" with her transplanted lungs, but was never going to be ready to leave Sophia behind.  She knew however that Sophia is surrounded by so much love and told me this helped to ease her worries.  Adam, his family and Emily's lovely parents and two sisters will ensure Sophia will know she is so very loved.  She reminded me so much of Emily when I met her - she has certainly inherited her determination and love of talking!

I find it hard to think about Emily not being here - for advice, for support, to send stupid pictures to or contact with exciting news.   I will miss sharing the ups and downs of life with someone who just "got me".  I know many people will feel the same about losing Emily because she had the ability to touch so many people in different ways, but with the same genuinely caring way.

People think of Emily as someone who liked sparkles, pink, glitter and "sweetiebobbles" - hundreds and thousands to the less educated ;-).  As someone who used to just make up words and insist they were real - even during formal presentations.  As someone who could be very blonde at times (and she was a natural blonde) and in many ways as a poster girl for the CF and transplant community, representing what it meant to come through hardship yet keep smiling and taking all the positives from any given situation.

I however will simply remember her as my wee friendy (one of Emily's words) whom I love very much.

Lots of Higs xxxxx