Up The Farway Tree

Playing to the Gallery



Since last posting I have learnt two important, yet costly, facts:

1. The list of official veterinary diagnoses include rare conditions such as "Wimpy dog" and "Playing to the gallery"
2. "Wimpy dogs" who enjoy "playing to the gallery" generally result in large and unnecessary veterinary bills.

I shall explain further..

It started off as an average Wednesday. After running some errands I was relaxing on the sofa, and Seb was amusing himself in the garden. He normally scratches the back door when he wants back in, and after an unusually long period of silence I went to check he had not escaped from the garden (again). In fact he had not escaped but was instead sitting on the doorstep holding one bloodied paw out at a funny angle, and looking very sorry for himself. He hopped into the house on three legs and just stood there looking bewildered. I scooped him up and laid him on the couch so I could inspect the paw. Realising something unusual was happening (he is not normally allowed to lie on the couch), Seb lay back with all legs in the air, looking quite pathetic and folorn. On closer inspection I could see he had caught a nail in something and it was bent inwards, digging into the pad of his foot and bleeding. I managed to get an appointment at the vets for later that day, and in the meantime Seb lay in his basket holding the foot up in the air and looking perplexed. If I left the room, he would slowly lift his head up with great effort, as if the sore foot was now also affecting the muscles in his neck. You know the way someone who has the cold shuffles about in a pathetic fashion, just to remind you they are ill.

On seeing the vet, he was at first worried that Seb had broken his leg because he wouldn't weight bear at all. On examination however, it appeared to just be the loose nail, which the vet pulled off with one swift move. Despite the removal of the offending nail and a painkiller injection, Seb still refused to put the paw down and stood there defiantly holding it out at 90 degrees. The vet appeared amused, and said "I think there is an element of playing to the gallery here..he should be able to put the foot down now". I was instructed to keep the foot dry and clean with salt water, and if he still refused to walk on it by the next day to come back.

Next morning and Seb was still hopping around like a strange lopsided bunny, holding the foot out in a dramatic fashion just in case we had forgotten he was an invalid. So it was back to the vets for further inspection. There was nothing obvious to be seen, but since he still refused to put the foot down at all, an x-ray under sedation was now deemed necessary and I had to leave him at the vets for the day. The fact that when the vet was examining his foot, Seb was also licking her face at the same time, made me a little suspicious of how sore the foot really was.

I returned to collect Seb at the end of the day, to find him hopping merrily about the veterinary practice with his little bandaged paw looking quite pleased with himself. The vet explained that she had looked carefully at the x-ray and could find nothing wrong. She then hesitated before announcing "I think its really a case of a wimpy dog". The official diagnosis. Wimpy Dog.

It cost me a grand total of... *drumroll* ... £160 to discover that Seb had a broken nail, is a total wimp and enjoys a bit of amateur dramatics. Well, you know the old fable "the boy that cried wolf"...I'm going to read that story to Seb tonight and he better take heed.

I tried to take this video on my mobile last night to demonstrate the little hop-a-long dog. Due to the poor quality, I took the second video using my camera barely 10 minutes later. In that time, Seb had decided after 2 days of no weight bearing and £160 vets bill, that he could in fact walk on the foot after all and no, he would now not be performing for the amusement of my blog readers. Born actor I tell you.